The Unspoken Words...

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Dear my Amir Fahim...

ENTRY MODE: Luahan Perasan Seorang Ibu...

Dear Fahim,

I think it is understandable that you have the instinct that your little bro/sis will arrive in 14 days. I do understand your feeling right now. Fahim baru 1 and half years and soon going to be a brother. I'm sorry sayang, tapi ni rezeki Allah bagi pada kita.

You know right, how did I suffer when I faced two miscarriages? tapi, berkat kesabaran Mama, doa n support from Abah and Kakak Aina, I finally have you in my arms...

I do understand sayang why do you behave strangely these few days... you become very sensitive, selalu duga kesabaran Mama, and all you need is a full attention from me..

I can't and I refuse to imagine, how it's gonna be when the baby is arrived? I keep on wondering, are you going to behave and act like this as well?

Fahim,

Trust me sayang, whatever will come.. I always love and care about you, as I always do.. nothing will change.

I told you... I'm not gonna share my love and care to the three of you.. but there will be another LOVE in our life..kita tak berkongsi syg, ada cinta baru dalam hidup kita...and each and every one will get full attention, love and care from me and Abah.. and this is what I told Kakak Aina when you arrived!

Insya Allah..

Mama tau Allah akan bantu kite...

So Fahim... jangan buat Mama nangis lagi ya.. Mama nak Fahim faham...

I'm sorry, Fahim

Today, I feel like I'm a useless mother...

... due to my last minutes marking, I had to send Fahim to his nanny as early as 8.40am

I picked him up at 6.30pm when I was done marking...

... it happened that he acted a bit strange when he reached home

I scolded him as he was a bit naughtier

... he did it again and again... and I almost lost my patience

He jumped on the bed even though I warned him

... he just ignored me and this wasn't how he normally responded

He called his Abah few times, but Abah didn't reply

... maybe he was too tired (but still I don't accept that as a reason)

His father went to buy dinner

...he chased him while calling his Abah again and again from the bed

In a glance, he slipped his feet

... he fell down and he hit the edge of the bed and cried

And I took him in my arms

... I saw BLOOD all over his shirt!!!

...there was BLOOD in his mouth!!!

I cried, he cried, Aina cried

...Im so sorry Fahim, truly sorry

I shouldn't have left and scolded you

...I should have looked after you

Now, I feel like I hate everyone

... specially me, myself!

..as I'm a useless mother!

Duhai Hati...kenapa ni?

Semalam MC, spend masa kat uma dgn AinaFahim.

Hari ni, keja dah..dok ngadap paper exam...smpi rasa nk termuntah!

Hati ingat kat rumah jek..ingat kat Aina, ingat kat adik Fahim..

Rindunyer...nk tgk senyum Fahim, gelak Aina..

Terbayang-bayang... Fahim terkedek2 jalan n melompat-lompat. Kakak Aina bersungguh2 baca Peter & Jane.

Ya Allah...lindungilah anak2 ku..suamiku..walau di mana pun mereka bereka..walau apepun yg diorg tgk buat...

Duhai hati... aku rindu!

AKU? Makin slow...

Huhu...one of students complained "Tchr, why cant u walk faster like before?"...nk jer aku lempang budak ni.. but the truth is..Yes, I am a slow walker now.. especially today. I think my baby is already engaged.. and I can feel it specially when I make any movements.

Tdo mlm dah tak selena sebelumnya.. mengadu kat hubby, and his typical reply is "nak buat camne syg, dah sampai masa. Baby dah besar". Huhuhu...luckily dia tak terus zzzz... teman aku jap, sampai aku terlena..mujur!

I'm counting my days now..4 weeks to go... still going strong even though I have to climb the stairs 4-5x per day..aduiii...may my baby will be even stronger and tougher than the mother. hhehe

Whatever it is...I love u, baby..all of us cant wait for the arrival of our 3rd bundle of joy!

Just another completion of the family..

...and another PERFECTION OF LIFE!

AMIR FAHIM turns 1 year and 5 months now!

AINA UMAIRAH is going to her Tadika Iman now!

I'm finally back..after a long..long break!

Waaargghhh... it has been years I didn't update my blog..seriously. Berhabuk n bersawang dah!

Anyway, thank you very much to Puan Olynn, who inspired me to update this blog...in the most peak hours of my career time (marking time!)

What's new?

Hmmm....guess what, I'm now expecting my 3rd bundle of joy, will be coming out from the hot oven on this coming 15th December. So, pray hard for the safety and good health of both of us. One of my wishes, I hope that I'm going to have a quick recovery so that I can enjoy my 90 days of confinement period with full of joys!

My Fahim turns 1 year and 5 months, he's getting hotter (*wink), smarter, more active and of coz..naughtier! But, he brings a lot of cherish and joys..and this is what I called Perfection of Life, raising a baby boy and a baby girl is a big different for me..more challenges and patience need to be mixed together...

I am super duper lucky to have Kakak Aina who turns 5 years old now... she is my PA, my BFF, my helper.. She knows how to entertain Fahim when I am too tired or when I am in the middle of something... tq dear..and as her 'upah'... a big kiss on her cheeck. I luv u dear..and always do...

K, that's all for the intro today...get back to my kerja hakiki...MARKING! so shhhhh!!!