It has been four months after that down-hearted incident. I could still remember, it was on friday... few minutes before the post mortem meeting started. And it happened there and then.
I was totally lost! I was dumbfounded... I didn't know that I was pregnant.. everything happened too fast. Fast enough to realize that my baby was gone. The doctor confirmed that I had a complete abortion of my 5 weeks of pregnancy.
I cried my heart out..I locked myself in the room and refused to talk to anyone. I put the blame on me. It took me almost three days to stop crying... but it takes me forever to stop grieving on my child's death.
Ya Allah, this is the greatest test for me this year...
And finally I realized, I suppose to be happy and grateful... at least I still have Aina Umairah. God knows the best... He knows that it wasn't a right time for me to get pregnant again. Just not yet!
Umairah needs my attention and love. She needs me so much.. So do I! Thanks a lot sayang, as she never left me alone..never! During my downs... the hardest moment of my life.
A special thank you I dedicated to my hubby. My biggest worry was I thought he would blame me for his lost. Alhamdullilah... he always stands by my side, for every ups and downs. I love you, B..ever
Honestly, I'm still grieving on my child's death..deep in my heart. I tend to be happy to recieve the news..that my friends are pregnant. I envy them so much...
But, as I said... Allah knows the best for me. There will be a day for me to get pregnant again..and maybe with healthy and tough twin! who knows...
I just need to be calm... avoid being stress... and believe that my day will come..soon, very soon...
Dear Allah... help me, guide me...as I'm too weak. I'm hoping for a miracle, I'm hoping for my second and next babies... Amin...
I'M HAPPY WITH MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN IT..ALHAMDULLILAH.
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